


Moving On

by flutegirl0422



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: AU, Gen, Ghost!Connor, Jared and Connor like to swear, Medium!Alana, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, Platonic Jared Kleinman/Connor Murphy, everyone's probably a little bit OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-03-14 12:52:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13590441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flutegirl0422/pseuds/flutegirl0422
Summary: Jared Kleinman never would have thought, as long as they were both alive, that Connor Murphy could possibly be his friend. In a way, he was right.





	1. Chapter 1

Eyes opened wide to a dark room as Jared bolted out of his sleep. The clock read 3:24am. Wind whistled through the window panes, rustling the curtains in a macabre dance. The Kleinman residence was in an older part of town and as the warmth of summer faded away, Jared’s bedroom, which was once an attic, returned to its terrible, eerie glory. He was usually glad about this, but tonight was an exception. After 16 years in that house, he felt a kinship with its creaks and moans, as though the walls could speak to him. Certainly, there was something unnatural in the air.

As Jared felt for his glasses, the wind carried with it a faint voice calling his name. He wrote off the noises as a lingering figment of his imagination, tearing off the covers of his bed.

Making his way to the bedroom door, he passed through an unusually cold spot in the room. Curious, he walked back to that spot and once again felt the cold overtake him. It was a static chill, like standing out in the snow. He checked his surroundings. His fan was on, but there was no way it could cool this particular spot to that degree, and though his windows weren’t completely sealed, they were usually adept at keeping out the crisp fall air.

After passing through the spot a few more times, Jared heard the voice again, louder this time. It was almost as though it was coming from inside his ear. “Kleinman, if you don’t stop trampling through me, I will beat the shit out of you.”

Screaming, Jared stumbled back onto his bed. “What the hell?! Who’s there?” He put up his hands, balled into fists. “I made it to a green belt in karate, I’m not scared of you!”

“I know you did, I was there.” Illuminated by a sliver of light shining through the doorway, a lanky young man materialized where Jared once stood. With matted long hair and a tattered hoodie hanging off an ethereal frame, Jared recognized the figure immediately.

He tilted his head, his mouth slightly agape. “Wait, Connor? Connor Murphy?”

 “In the flesh.” Connor smirked, giving a slight bow. The spirit threw himself onto the bed, his hand passing through Jared’s thigh as he sat down.

“What the--how did your hand just do that?!” Jared swatted at his leg where Connor’s hand passed through.

A ghastly chuckle filled the room. “You know, for a nerd, you seem to know fuck-all about ghosts.”

“ _Ghosts?_ Oh-ho-ho, NO. This cannot be happening.” Jared ripped off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. After a few tight blinks, he pinched himself, wincing as his nails dug into his arm. “Damn,” he muttered.

 “As much as it pains me to say it,” said Connor, “this is totally real.” He attempted to pat Jared on the back, but once again his hand passed through the boy.

“Ok, I get it!” Jared pulled away, his face contorted. “Could you stop putting your hands through my limbs, though? It’s a little invasive.”

“Oh,” Connor said. “My bad.”

Jared scoffed, flopping backwards onto the bed. He stared at the ceiling, his eyes having adjusted to the darkness. As he examined the beams, a thought crept into his mind. “Wait,” he said. “Is this some sort of twisted karmic joke? Are you, like, haunting me now because I made fun of you or whatever?”

“You wish!” Connor spat back. He lowered himself onto the bed, lying next to Jared. “I actually have no idea what I’m doing here. The last thing I remember seeing was a bright light, and then suddenly I’m here in your bedroom. Surprisingly cool digs, by the way.”

Jared got up from the bed, heading towards his computer. He switched the light on as he made his way across the room. “Thanks, but don’t get too comfortable. You’re going back to the Upside-Down or wherever you were as soon as I figure out a way to get rid of you.”  

“Trust me, I want to be here just as little as you want me to be here.” Connor sat up. “What I don’t understand is why I’m not still at the park.”

Jared stopped in his tracks. “The park? Like….where you died?”

“Yeah. I mean that’s the last place I—wait. How do you know I died at the park? It literally just happened.”

“Excuse me?” said Jared. “What do you mean it just happened?”

“What do _you_ mean by ‘excuse me?’” Connor drifted closer as he stared Jared down.

“Well, I, uh—“ he sputtered.

Connor disappeared in a puff of smoke and materialized centimeters from Jared’s face, eyes dark and intense. “Tell me what’s going on.”

The boy gulped and let out a shaky breath that fogged up in the presence of the enraged spirit. “You, uh…well, you died about two months ago, Connor.”

Connor’s eyes widened and his jaw went slack. He backed away from Jared, slowly gliding through the air. Appearing to take a deep breath, he closed his eyes. “So it’s not August 27th?”

“No, it most certainly isn’t.”

“Then…what day is it?”

Jared picked his phone up off of the desk to check the date, and no sooner than he could unlock his phone he let out a loud chuckle.

Connor grimaced at his host, now doubled over with laughter. “Shit, Kleinman. What’s so funny?”

“See for yourself,” Jared said, tossing the phone to Connor.

The phone went through his chest and landed face up on the bed. Connor turned around, catching a glimpse of the date just before the phone was out of his line of sight.

 

 **OCTOBER 31, 2017**.


	2. Chapter 2

“Well, fuck.”

Connor sat cross legged, hovering over the bed. He stared at Jared’s phone, which was lying face up below him. Where his reflection would be, the wood beams of Jared’s ceiling were reflected back at him in the dark screen, the date and time faintly glowing in the background.

**OCTOBER 31, 2017  
4:17AM**

Jared sat in his desk chair across the room, finally calm from his laughing fit. “Hey, do you think I can have that back now?” He gestured to his phone.

“Really?” Connor narrowed his eyes.

“What? I wanna play Candy Crush.”

Connor shook his head, his hair floating gently behind it. “First of all, I can’t pick anything up so you can come get it yourself. Second of all, even if I could, I wouldn’t because you fucking laughed at me.”

Jared’s arms flew up in protest. “I wasn’t laughing at you! I was laughing at the situation. You have to admit, it is pretty hilarious you came back as a ghost on Halloween.”

“Fine. It is kinda funny.” Connor crossed his arms. “But why now? More importantly, why did I end up here? If I had any sort of unfinished business with anyone, it sure as hell wasn’t you. As annoying as you were, you don’t rank high enough on my list to merit a haunting.”

Jared’s smile waned. “Well, then.” There was a bite to his voice.

“If I had my pick,” Connor continued, “I’d be haunting that Evan Hansen punk.”

“Evan? Like ‘tree-obsessed, broken armed, couldn’t hurt a fly even if he wanted to’ Evan?”

Connor scowled. “He isn’t as innocent as you think.”

“Believe me,” said Jared, “I know how innocent he isn’t. My question is why you would think that. The last time he saw you, you were acting like a complete freak! If anything, _he_ should be mad at _you_.”

Connor thought back on his last interaction with Evan. He had signed his cast to apologize for pushing him, but then he read that letter. Sure, he had no right to be pushing people around, but there was no excusing what Evan had written. _All my hopes are pinned on Zoe._ Who did he think he was? Who did he think Zoe was? She certainly deserved a better brother than Connor, but she was all he had. He wasn’t about to let some kid try to take advantage of her.

He recalled his last thoughts in the park, reading over the letter once again. Connor knew he wasn’t mad at Evan so much as he was mad at himself. There was no way Evan could have known how Connor was feeling. But there it was in black and white. Someone who understood. Who knew what it was like to be forgotten. Worse, Connor’s was the name on everyone’s lips, but no one, probably not even his own family, actually knew him. Then this stranger put it all down on paper, and that paper found its way into his hands. Connor hadn’t been a big believer in fate, but he knew something bigger was at play when he saw Evan’s words. By the time he realized it, though, it was too late. He drifted deeper and deeper into a drug induced haze, his breathing slowed, and suddenly, nothing.

“Is he?” Connor asked.

“Is he what?”

“Is Evan mad, Jared? Is he mad at me?” Connor’s wavering voice betrayed his vulnerability.

“Oddly enough, no,” said Jared. “Actually, he’s gone and made you a national celebrity. He’s probably your biggest fan.”

“What? Why would he be?”

Jared turned to his computer and went to the website for The Connor Project. He took Connor through every page he had carefully constructed, showing him Evan and Alana’s vision come to life.

“Wait, why does it say that it all started with two friends in an orchard?”

“He’s constructed this story that the two of you were best friends. You took him to the hospital after he broke his arm while he was out frolicking through the trees with you. He told people you two secretly e-mailed each other back and forth and how he was so devastated when you died.”

“Ok, that story makes us sound really gay.”

“THANK YOU!” Jared shouted. “I’ve been telling him that this whole time!”

“But why would he say all those things about us in the first place? We literally spoke twice.”

“Well, with your name scrawled on his cast and the letter they found with you, your parents just assumed. He didn’t have the heart to tell them otherwise and it kind of spiraled.”

Connor rolled his eyes. “Did he do this all just to get with my sister or something? This asshole used my death to get in good with my family so he could bang Zoe, didn’t he? I knew he was bad news!”

“Look, I will be the first to admit that Evan has become an asshole since this whole thing blew up. But I can promise you his intentions were completely pure. He just wanted to make up for all the pain your family has been going through.”

“Bullshit,” Connor spat. “They’re probably glad I’m gone.”

Jared felt his heart plummet through the floor. Having worked closely with the Murphys on their efforts to restore the orchard, he had seen first hand the grief they all bore, even months later. He hadn’t ever thought about what it would be like to lose someone, or how complicated it could be to live in a family with so much turmoil. Sure, he had the occasional fights with his mom and his dad was a bit distant since he travelled for work so much. Jared knew that his family wasn’t perfect, but he had become so grateful for them in a way he couldn’t ever put into words. He couldn’t let Connor go on feeling like his family didn’t care when he knew the truth.

“Connor, you’re wrong,” said Jared.

“You mean to tell me Cynthia and Larry Murphy are actually grieving for their poor, broken son?” Connor tossed his bangs out of his face.

“Yes. Yes, I am. You’re wrong about them. Your parents, Evan, Zoe, all of them. You’re wrong, and I can prove it to you.”

Connor paced, floating back and forth across the room. On the one hand, Jared seemed resolute. He had never seen Jared stand up to him like that before, so he must have been sure about how wrong Connor was. On the other hand, what did his death mean if he was wrong? Only moments ago he had felt lighter than he could remember, finally free from the weight of his constant anguish. There wasn’t much he would miss about his life. But his thoughts returned once again to Evan’s letter. _Would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?_ He didn’t think so. Neither of them did. Now here he is being told that nothing could be further from the truth. He thought he’d finally moved on, but if he was able to come back, even for a second, it must have been for a reason.

“Alright, Kleinman. I’ll take you up on that.” He reached out his hand as if to shake Jared’s, but quickly pulled it back. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“No one can know I’m back.”

“Obviously not. I’m still not 100% sure this isn’t a dream, and I highly doubt anyone would believe me if I ran around saying I saw the ghost of Connor Murphy.”

“Then we have a deal. I’d shake on it but…” Connor looked down at his hands.

“‘Nuff said. It’s a deal.”


	3. Chapter 3

The next few hours were spent coming up with a plan.

“Let’s start with Evan and Zoe. They seemed to be the biggest source of your anger, so if we can get you to understand them, you’ll probably be able to say hello to your friends on the other side in no time.” said Jared. “We’re all going to this Halloween party at Sabrina Patel’s tonight, which gives us an easy way to see how they really are. You can be my plus one.” He winked, receiving an unamused look from his phantom friend. 

“Gross, dude,” said Connor. “But I think you’re right. I definitely want to spook the shit out of Evan, and it’d be nice to see how Zoe’s doing without her big bad brother around.”

“Hey, no messing with Evan! You are strictly to be an observer. Besides,you’re the one who said you didn’t want to be found.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t have my fun!” 

Looking at the clock, Jared shot out of his chair. “Damn, I’ve gotta get ready for school. Promise me you’ll behave while I’m gone?” 

“You expect me to just stay here alone all day? Hell no, I’m coming with you.” 

“Ugh, FINE. Only because I don’t have time to argue with you right now.” Jared raced around the room, grabbing clothes and papers. 

As Jared finished getting ready, Connor wisped into nothingness and followed him out the door. When they pulled into the school, Connor’s disembodied voice rang out, “Hey, do you mind if we split up?”

Jared squinted towards the passenger’s seat. “You’re not gonna go ‘Paranormal Activity’ on anyone, are you?”

“No, I swear. But it’s not every day you get to see what your life would be like without you in it. If I have the chance...” His voice petered out. 

“As long as you don’t draw attention to yourself, I’m fine with it. But if I hear about any weird shit happening, you’re on your own.”

While Jared made his way to his class, Connor wandered the halls. It was one thing to feel invisible while he was here, but actually being invisible was almost empowering. He could just be himself, free of the stares, the whispers, the judgement. That all changed, though, when he entered the main corridor. Posters bearing his picture were on every bulletin board, advertising the Kickstarter campaign to save the orchard. Some were freshly pinned, others hiding behind Homecoming Court campaign slogans and club sign-up sheets. Connor was everywhere. But it wasn’t really Connor. It was a more refined version, one that lived only in the moment that photo was taken. Near the end of the hallway he saw Alana putting a poster up, a stack of them in her arms. She had been in several of his classes, but outside of the projects they were assigned together, they never spoke. Why would she care about him at all? Curious, he decided to follow her.

He remembered how she would talk about her many “acquaintances”. It always struck him as odd. Sure, all his classmates were technically acquaintances, but deliberately distancing yourself from people like that, even for him, seemed so cold. As he followed Alana to her classroom, he saw how many people reached out to say hi to her. She’d nod quietly in their direction, but she didn’t seem to have anyone she was close with. The other kids prolonged their conversations as much as they could, attempting to squeeze every ounce of friendship out of their day before they were forced into eight straight hours of standardized education, but not Alana. She seemed to have a force field around her, gently parting the sea of students as she made her way through the halls. It was an aura Connor knew well. Alana wasn’t a cold person at all. She was protecting herself. 

The bell rang and Alana’s English class began. Connor stood silently behind her at a desk right at the front of the classroom. Her long braids were like a curtain hiding her from her classmates as she worked on her daily journal. The topic for the day was Thoreau’s  _ Walden _ . Connor noted that her previous entry was a sonnet, but today Alana opted for prose, her writing almost a stream of consciousness.  _ Isolation. Boundaries. Freedom of soul.  _ Her words were calculated, piercing, but truthful. Connor had never realized how similar her way of seeing the world was to his, but there was something different about the way it expressed itself. Connor slunk into the depths of his despair, while Alana desperately attempted to rise above it, pushing herself higher and higher. They both ended up out of sight, but while his problems were out there for the world to see, she excelled and succeeded as turmoil brewed softly underneath a polished exterior. 

Connor found himself captivated by Alana, and by the time the lunch bell rang, he had completely lost track of the day. He found himself sitting across from her at a round table in the far corner of the cafeteria. She unpacked her lunch with care, only looking up to wave someone down. A beaming Jared sat beside Connor, their arms just touching, giving Jared the familiar chill that awoke him earlier that day. The boy’s expression went from pleasant to shocked, but it went unnoticed by Alana.

“Thanks for meeting with me, Jar!” Her face softened and a wide smile appeared, the first Connor had seen from her all day. 

“Sure thing,” said Jared.  He returned her smile, his face turning slightly pink. “Makes up for Evan ditching me again.” As he spoke, he opened a note on his phone.  **IF YOU BOTHERED HER AT ALL TODAY I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE AND KILL YOU MYSELF.** Connor stifled a laugh.

“Oh, great!” said Alana. “ I mean, not great about him ditching you.” She let out a nervous giggle. “Anyway, I really needed to talk to you about the Kickstarter. It’s only been a few days, but I can tell we’re starting to lose momentum on this.”

As the other two discussed their fundraising plans. Connor sensed tension in the air. Alana had a nervous energy to her, different than the one he’d felt while she was in class. She was cool under the pressures of academia, but he could tell she was a bit shaken by Jared’s presence. Jared seemed off his game, too, almost too protective of someone who he was just working on a project with. This gave Connor an idea. Leaning into Jared’s ear, he whispered, “We need to talk. NOW.”

Jared squealed, startled by the voice in his head and the intense shiver down his spine. 

“Oh my god, Jared,” said Alana, “are you alright?” 

“Uh, s-sorry! I just got, like, the weirdest chill!” Jared said. “Can you repeat that so I can take some notes?”

Alana gave him a quizzical look, then shook it off. “So I was thinking instead of more posters we could...”

Jared nodded along with what Alana was saying, knowing how she got when she was on a roll. He typed:  **WHAT IS IT**

“You can cool it with the all caps,” said Connor. “Just listen. I have a plan for tonight that I think will help me win some moving on brownie points, but you’re going to have to trust me, ok?”

**fine. spill it quick.**

As Connor divulged his plan, Jared tried his hardest to keep a straight face. However, he didn’t anticipate the chill from his companion to be quite so overpowering, and his teeth began to chatter. 

“Jared, are you sure you’re alright? You’re practically shivering.” Alana reached across the table, attempting to test his forehead for a fever. 

Jared gently grabbed her hand and Connor pulled away so as to not alert her to his presence. As he moved, he saw Jared place her hand on the table, his over hers. Connor smiled to himself, seeing his plan set in motion.

“I’m fine, Alana. I promise.”

Alana squinted. “Are you sure? You’ve been acting really odd this whole time. You haven’t even unpacked your lunch yet.” She gestured to his lunch bag, which had been sitting untouched on the table since he arrived.

“Well, I, uh...I’m kind of nervous to tell you the truth.” 

“Oh, no, am I putting too much pressure on you with all this fundraising stuff? I know midterms are coming up I’d hate to--”

“No, Alana,” he cut her off. “I honestly love working on this stuff with you.” He looked her deep in the eyes and gave away a soft smile. 

Feeling a warmth wash over her, Alana cast her eyes aside. “Look, Jared,” she said putting her other hand on his, “whatever it is you can tell me.”

“Actually, I, um, wanted to ask if you were going to Sabrina’s party tonight?” 

Alana’s face fell and she pulled out of Jared’s grasp. “I mean...I wasn’t exactly invited.”

“Oh,” said Jared. “Well, I was. And I’d like you to come with me.”

Her eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Only if you want to, I mean,” he added quickly, running a shaky hand through his hair.

“We could certainly use that as an opportunity to get more money for the orchard,” said Alana, the gears turning in her head already. 

“Sure! Or we could just hang out and mingle with everyone. Do a little social engineering, see what gets their heartstrings tugged and their wallets open before we hit them with round two of the fundraiser.”

“Brilliant! That’s why you’re on our team, Jared.” Suddenly, Alana’s phone buzzed. “Shoot, I’m gonna be late for student council. Text me details for tonight and I’ll see you then.” 

Once she was out of earshot, Connor whispered to Jared, “That was brilliant! Now you have someone to talk to so it doesn’t look like you’re going insane at that party tonight. And, it looks like you certainly made Alana’s day. Win-win all around.”

Jared could still feel the heat in his cheeks. “Yeah, it’s gonna be great. Me and my date. And a ghost.” 

“Oh, so now it’s a date?” Connor quipped.

“What?!” said Jared.  “I didn’t say date, I said ‘mate.’ Like the Brits, you know? Cheerio, guvna!” The rambling made him even more flustered than he already was. 

A soft chuckle emerged from Connor’s chair. “Sure, you did.”    


“Shut up,” Jared muttered, quietly finishing his lunch. Connor followed him the rest of the day, but it was Jared who was floating, cautiously optimistic for the night ahead.


	4. Chapter 4

Back in Jared’s room, the wind rattled the windows just as it had early that morning. The clock read 5:13pm and Jared was shirtless, frantically pulling open drawer after drawer. 

“I could have sworn it was around here someplace!” He was currently wearing a green beanie and bright red jeans, desperately trying to complete his costume before he had to pick up Alana. 

“I can’t believe you’re going as sriracha for Halloween,” said Connor. “Hey, is that it over there?” Connor pointed to some red fabric splayed out over a guitar shaped remote and a small stack of video games. 

Grabbing the shirt, Jared said, “It was between this or Mercy from Overwatch, and she’s a touch complicated.”

“What the fuck is Overwatch?”

Jared scoffed. “Ok, the fact that you’re asking that tells me that you obviously weren’t living your best life even when you could. Life truly is wasted on the living.”

“So, said Connor, ignoring Jared’s taunts, “I’m just wondering, what exactly is it you think I’m gonna learn from Evan and Zoe tonight? I already know how much she hated me, and how obsessed he was with her, what makes you think I was such a valuable part of their lives?”

“They just seem better together. Your death really changed them. It brought them together in a way I don’t think anything else could.”

Connor’s eyes rolled so hard Jared could almost feel it. “Yeah, I get that they’re dating or whatever, but it just seems so...out of nowhere. The Zoe I know wouldn’t ever go for a guy like that.”

Jared fidgeted with his hat in the mirror, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut. “Like I said, he’s really been a source of comfort for her, and the rest of your family.” 

“How? Is she somehow in on this best friends forever narrative he’s spun up? It's not like Zoe cares at all how my parents feel.”said Connor. “If I know anything, I know that.”

Jared froze. “I wouldn’t exactly say she’s in on it."

“Wait, does she actually think I was best friends with that creep?” The temperature in the room dropped noticeably. 

“Well…” Jared scratched his head, looking for the right words to say. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Kleinman.” Connor’s eyes went black once again, and the room went pale as his ghostly aura expanded. His voice reverberated through the room.  “Not only did you help him lie to the entire fucking world, but you let him use that lie to get to my sister?! I expressly told you how much I hated him for trying that shit and you lied to me about it!” Connor dissipated once more. “I cannot believe I actually thought you had my back.” His voice faded as he whisked through Jared on his way out of the house.

“Connor, wait!” Jared ran down the stairs after him, but the trail of cool air quickly warmed, a sign that he was long gone. “Shit,” Jared muttered as he stormed towards the front door. 

Getting into his car, he texted Alana:  **on my way to get you now, sorry i’m early. i’ll wait if you need me to**

Before he could turn the ignition, his phone chimed:  **Not a problem, I’ll be ready. Is everything alright?**

Jared replied: **yeah, just gotta run an errand. see you in a few**

Alana was waiting outside her door when Jared pulled up. “Nice hat,” he said. As she climbed into the passenger’s seat, she took off a black pointed hat and put it in her lap. 

“Thanks! You too,” she said, her crimson lips parting into a bright smile. After driving in silence for a few moments, she spoke again. “So does this errand we’re running have to do with Connor by any chance?” 

The car abruptly sped up as Jared jumped at her question. “Why, um, why would you ask that?” He chuckled nervously. 

“I don’t see him with you anymore, I figured it was because you’re looking for him.”

“Wait, you could see him?” he asked. “I couldn’t even see him earlier, I just knew he was there because—”

“Because of the cold,” she chimed in. 

“Then how did you know?”

“The ‘family gift’, we call it. My mother got it from her mother, who got it from hers. Not exactly something I have on my resume.“

Jared’s brow furrowed. 

“I can see the souls of people who’ve passed, but only ones in purgatory,” she clarified. 

“Purgatory? Like the one Dante wrote about?”

“Yes and no. It’s more of a space where people who are still tethered to the living world are trapped. Total judgement free zone.”

“Wow,” said Jared. “I always thought that kind of stuff wasn’t real.” He looked out at the distance, pondering a world beyond the horizon he couldn’t comprehend. 

“It’s nice knowing for certain there’s more out there,” said Alana, “but it can be pretty taxing.”

“Yeah, I bet.” Jared was silent for a moment. “So,” he continued, “how did you know that I knew about Connor?”

“Well, at first I thought he was just haunting the school. When he followed me to class—“

“He did what?!”

“Don’t worry, he was very polite,” She placed her hand on his shoulder to reassure him. “Anyway, I didn’t think you knew he was with us at lunch until I saw him start whispering in your ear. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but I could tell you were listening.”

Jared sighed. Silence washed over them once more, as he contemplated the situation. “Say, you don’t think I have the same ability you do, right?” he asked. 

“You definitely have a spiritual energy about you,” said Alana. “It’s not as strong as most mediums, but I can tell you’re in tune with the spiritual world in a way most others aren’t.” She gave him a warm look. “That said, I don’t think that’s the only thing at play here. Ghosts can sometimes appear to people in times of great need. Sometimes for the person’s benefit, sometimes the ghost’s.”

“You mean he came back to help  _ me _ ? I thought I was supposed to help him.”

“Not necessarily. It’s Halloween, and souls in purgatory often cross over around this holiday. It’s easier for them to slip between worlds. To know exactly what’s going on I’d need more context as to when he came back and what he’s been up to.”

“Well, he’s been with me since early this morning. I don’t know exactly when he came back, but I think it’s got something to do with Evan and his family”

“What makes you say that? 

“When I was talking to him, he was so angry about them. He told me he was sure his parents didn’t miss him, and he had this idea that Evan was out to get him.”

“Interesting, considering how close they were.” Alana looked to Jared, his eyes laser focused on the road and his hands gripping the wheel tight. “Jared, if we’re going to find him you need to tell me everything you know.”

The car came to a stop as Jared pulled over. He took a deep breath. “Alana, I...I need you to promise me that you will listen to this with an open mind, and that you won’t leave until we find Connor. I need you with me on this. After we help him, you can do whatever you want, but please promise you won’t leave me until then.”

She placed her hand on his shoulder once more, her eyes meeting his. “I promise.”

As he revealed the lies he helped weave, Jared’s shoulders rounded, releasing all that he had carried with him these past few months. All the anxiety that he hid even from himself washed away knowing that someone else, someone real, finally knew the truth. His anger bubbled to the surface as he recounted Evan’s abandonment as the lie spread further and further, until it finally spilled over in sobs. 

“The worst fucking part is that I thought Connor coming to me actually meant something. I thought maybe I could make things right somehow, make up for being a part of this whole mess. It’s gotten out of control and I know if we don’t do something, people are going to get hurt. And it’s all my fault.”

Pulling him into a tight embrace, Alana consoled him. She could feel him heave against her as he sobbed, shaking in her arms. “Jared, it is not your fault that this happened.”

“You don’t understand,” he said, tears still pouring down his face. “Evan trusted me. If I had said no to helping him, I could have stopped all of this. But I needed someone to need me. I needed someone to want to be around me and I ruined the closest thing I’ve ever had to friendship.”

Alana broke their embrace and took his hand in hers, looking him in the eye. “Listen to me. You did not make Evan lie. Yes, you made some terrible decisions, but you did not start this. I do believe, though, that you are meant to end this. Connor came to you because he needed the truth. You both did. And I think you knew that all along, or you never would have brought us here.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Jared wiped his tears, looking out of his window. He saw that they were across the street from the Murphy residence. The yard was covered in leaves, looking festive as ever. As the sun set, there were already children in costume walking through the neighborhood. Through the crowd, Jared spotted two feet dangling from a tree on the street corner, attached to the longest, skinniest pair of legs he’d ever seen. His heart skipped a beat, and he bolted from the car. 

“Jared, wait!” Alana called out to him, following quickly after.


	5. Chapter 5

Arriving to the base of the tree, Jared looked up and saw Connor, sitting on a high branch. “Kleinman, what makes you think I wanted to see you at all right now?” 

“What the fuck, Connor, I thought you were--” Jared stopped himself and Connor laughed, hopping down from his perch.

“Oh, were you worried I was dead?” Connor continued to laugh, taking a drag from the joint between his long fingers. “Looks like you’re too late for me, bud.”

“If you’re so dead, how are you high right now?” 

Alana came to a stop behind Jared. “Ghosts often have spiritual copies of their possessions on hand, like the things in their pockets. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had that joint on him when he died.”

“You can see me?” Connor said, blowing a perfect smoke ring into the air. He smirked seeing the two of them together. “Well then, you’re welcome for telling Jared to take you to that party tonight.” Taking another drag, he winked at her.

Alana looked over at Jared and he blushed. Shaking it off, he focused back on Connor. “Look, that’s not important right now. What matters is where the hell you’ve been. Did you do something to Evan?”

Connor seemed to sober up almost immediately at the question. He put out his joint and stuffed it in his pocket. “I don’t wanna talk about that punk.” Jared noted the lack of vitriol in his voice.

Alana walked over to him, and motioned for the two of them to sit at the base of the tree. “Connor, Jared told me what’s been going on.”

“So you get it. These two assholes were using you, using  _ my death _ , to get whatever they wanted.” His voice quivered as he spoke. 

“I’ll admit, I was also hurt by what Jared told me.” She looked Jared in the eye with a faint smile. “But look at all the good that’s come out of it. We’re fundraising for an orchard, people in this town are finally taking suicide and mental health seriously, and your family is healing.” 

“But it’s still not real!” Connor screamed. “Everyone’s still looking for an easy way out of all this, and Evan handed it to them on a silver platter. I saw them together,” he was sobbing now. “Evan handing out candy with my mom, talking baseball with my dad. They’ve replaced me with everything they wish I was.”

“Then let's give them something real,” said Jared, a fire in his eyes. “It hurts seeing them like this, doesn’t it? Knowing that what they need isn’t what they’re getting? But, Connor, you can give them what they need. You can give them the truth.”

“How? They can't even see me.”

“Then we’ll make them see! There’s gotta be a way, right Alana?” She could see the desperation in his eyes as he awaited her answer. 

“It's not that simple, Jared.” She put her arm around him. “It's not always enough for a spirit to be present. They have to want to see him, too. Not everyone is as in tune with the spiritual world as we are, and a lot of people don't want to be.”

“My mom would want to.” Connor looked down. “I think she’d want to try, at any rate. She was always trying new age shit to try and help me. If she was willing to put all her money into yoga retreats and reiki sessions, to believe in me when no one else would, I think I owe it to her to believe in her, too.”

“What about your dad? And Zoe?” asked Jared. 

Alana shook her head. “They're not the ones we need to worry about.” She gestured down the street where Evan was handing out candy with Zoe. “As important as it is to tell the Murphys the truth, Evan will be crushed by it. We have to tell him.”

“Why the fuck should we help him?” Connor threw up his arms. “He’s the one who got us into this mess.” 

“You’re right,” said Jared. “But if he really did all this to help them, which I hope is true, then he’ll see why this is the right thing to do.” Jared pulled out his phone and texted Evan.  **meet me at the corner of elk and whitmore asap. it’s an emergency.**

Three dots appeared in the bottom of the screen.  **Why are you all the way out here? I'm busy.**

Jared’s ears turned bright red as he smashed out another message.  **it’s alana. she knows about the emails. get out here NOW.**

Moments later, Evan was running down the sidewalk towards them, having traded in his favorite shade of blue for a red hoodie. He carried with him a small plush ET, gripping it almost too tightly as he arrived at the street corner. In an attempt to assert his dominance, he lightly shoved Jared. “How could you tell her?!” 

“I made him,” Alana forced herself between the two boys. “Nothing in the letters was adding up, I had to find out what was going on.”

Evan narrowed his eyes. His hands shook, sweat bloomed on his brow, and words tumbled from his lips. “How w-would you know what was really happening? It’s not like you and Connor were friends!” His hands clapped over his mouth as soon as he finished speaking. 

Jared approached him, hands balled into fists. “Neither were you, asshole. The only reason we told you first is because she wanted to tell the Murphys right away. I thought you’d want to be responsible, do the right thing and stop hurting this family with all your bullshit. Clearly, I was wrong.” 

As Jared pushed past him, Evan cried out. “Wait!” He collapsed to the ground, tears pouring from his eyes. “You’re right, I’m a piece of crap. Whatever I get, I deserve it, and probably worse. But this will crush them.” 

“Maybe I can help soften the blow,” Connor, who had been leaning against the street sign, appeared before Evan and walked towards him.

“What the…” Evan shook even harder, the color draining from his skin. 

Jared leaned over to Alana and whispered, “How is Evan seeing him?”

“I wanted him to see me. The real me.” Connor knelt down and looked Evan in the eyes. “And like you said, I could tell he did too.”

Evan turned around. “Wait, you two can see him.” Jared and Alana nodded. “He’s really here right now?” 

“My soul is, at least.” 

“I-I can't believe this is happening.” Evan turned back to Connor. “Oh my God, you must hate me right now, I am so, so, incredibly sorry, I never meant to hurt them, or let anything get this far, I just wanted everyone to be happy, please don't hurt me!”

“Evan, breathe,” Connor gestured, prompting Evan to take slow breaths, in and out. “As much as I want to, I'm not going to hurt you.”

“Then w-what are you gon-gonna do?”

“I’m going to make sure my family learns the truth. But I’m also going to tell you something I’ve wanted to tell you ever since I came back.” 

Evan gave him a puzzled look. 

“I’m sorry.”

His expression didn’t move. 

Connor sighed, reluctant to continue. “Look, Evan, I fucked up. The letter, I overreacted to it. And I didn’t realize how important it was until I’d gone too far. Maybe if I had given you a chance to explain, or if I’d taken the time to actually read it when I first saw it, things would be different. But I wasn’t thinking about anyone else but me that day. I was so far up my own ass I didn’t realize that you and I aren’t so different after all.” Connor gestured to Evan’s left arm, much smaller than his right after spending several weeks in a cast. “I’m glad that was the worst thing that happened to you when you tried.” 

Heat rose to Evan’s cheeks as he looked down at his arm. He fought back a second wave of tears. “How did you know?”

“Like I said, we’re not so different.”

The tears came again, but Evan sat still as they rolled down his face. Here he was, actually talking with Connor, and for the first time in months it wasn’t all in his head. But seeing him, really seeing him, made Evan’s stomach churn. The guilt of not only keeping up this charade to make himself feel better, but erasing the memory of a real person with his own selfish wishes, had set in. He finally understood the true gravity of the situation. “I only meant to help them, Connor,” he said. “I wanted them to be happy.”

Connor nodded. “I did, too. But we both hurt them in the process. We have to make this right.”

Evan turned back to Jared, who was holding Alana in his arms, rubbing her back as she silently cried into his shoulder. “I’m sorry to both of you. Jared, I shouldn’t have ever asked you to help me and—“

“I shouldn’t have said yes, Evan. We both got carried away. What matters now is how we move forward.” He looked down at Alana, who was still crying. “Are you going to be ok?” 

Alana sniffled and let out a soft chuckle. “I will be.” She wiped her eyes, eyeliner streaking across the back of her hand. Looking back up at Jared, she whispered, “Did you know about…?” Her eyes flicked back and forth towards Evan.

“No, I...I didn’t,” he said, “but I should have been paying more attention. Evan, bud, family friends or real friends, it shouldn't matter. I should have had your back and I am sorry for ever making you feel like you couldn’t talk to me. I had no idea.” He let go of Alana and brought Evan into a tight embrace. “For the record, though, if you were gonna lie about how you broke your arm, you really should have stuck with something about jerking it too much.” He laughed, trying to lighten the mood, only to receive a swat on the arm from Alana.

“Touching as this is,” Connor interjected, “we should probably move this love fest down to my place.”

“He’s right,” said Alana. “The Murphys are going to need all the support they can get right now.”

“Um, a-are we sure I should be there for this? asked Evan. “There is no way they will forgive me.” 

“Bud, you have to own up to this.” Jared pat him on the back. “We both do.”

Connor looked Evan in the eyes again. “Do you trust me?”

Evan swallowed hard and looked to the ground.

“Evan. Do. You. Trust. Me.” Connor’s voice was calm, but firm. 

Returning Connor’s gaze, Evan nodded. 

“We’ll make this work, I promise.” 

With that, the four of them made their way to the Murphy’s front door, and Evan turned the knob, anxiously awaiting what would happen on the other side. 


	6. Chapter 6

“Kids!” Cynthia Murphy hugged Jared and Alana as they walked in. “What a pleasant surprise.”

Zoe walked up to Evan and laced her fingers through his. Feeling his hands were clammier than usual, she gave him a light, reassuring squeeze. “Hey, Jared, I thought we were meeting up later?”

“Well, I had to pick up Alana,” said Jared. “Your place is on the way, figured we would stop by and say hi.”

Zoe squinted at him. “Doesn’t Sabrina live on your block?”

“Oh, don’t be so worried, honey.” Mrs. Murphy rubbed Zoe’s back as Evan, Jared, and Alana let out a collective sigh of relief. “Your friends just wanted to spend some time with you. I, for one, am glad to see all of you looking so festive.”

Connor hung back by the door, watching the exchange. For a moment he locked eyes with Zoe, and her face went pale. He turned to Evan, who glanced back concerned. 

“Uh, Zoe,” Evan said, “are you alright?”

Zoe blinked hard, trying to make sure she’d seen what she thought she did. “Is that—” She was cut off by the ringing of the doorbell. When she looked back in the doorway, all she saw were the silhouettes of trick or treaters through the decorative glass. 

Mrs. Murphy cut through the four of them. “I’ll handle them,” she said as she grabbed the bowl of candy from the table by the door. “Why don’t you all go into the living room? I’ll get everyone some cider in a moment.”

Walking into the living room, the kids came upon a surlier-than-usual Larry Murphy. Mr. Murphy was in a hefty leather chair, looking up at them from behind a copy of Golf Digest. “Zo, you feeling ok? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Jared turned nervously to Alana, who in turn looked at Evan. He was shaking again and had dropped Zoe’s hand. 

“It’s nothing, Dad, I’m fine,” she mumbled. She curled up in the corner of the couch, retreating when Evan tried to sit beside her. 

Leaving a healthy distance between him and Zoe, Evan looked sheepishly at Jared and Alana seated in the loveseat beside him. He raised his eyebrows as if to ask what they were going to do next. 

Jared nervously traded glances with Alana. She looked determined, attempting to formulate a game plan, regretting they hadn’t discussed one on their way to the house. 

Just then, Mrs. Murphy walked in with a bewildered expression on her face, carrying a tray of steaming hot cider, as promised. She was followed by Connor slowly drifting behind her at a distance. “You know,” she said, “I just saw the strangest thing. I could have sworn one of the kids out there was the spitting image of Connor.”

Mr. Murphy set down his magazine with concern in his eyes. “Cynthia, I’m sure you’re just missing h—”

“Mom!” Zoe cut him off. “You saw him too?”

Mrs. Murphy sat next to Zoe on the couch. “I thought so, but it couldn’t be, could it?” she said. “This was always his favorite time of year, I’m sure your father’s right. I just wish he were here with us.” 

A chill came over the room as Connor looked fondly at his mother. 

“Mom, no. I saw him just now. When everyone came in he was standing by the door; it had to be him.”

Jared and Evan both looked up at Connor. His head was hung low, his face seemed wracked with guilt. He started retreating out of the room, causing Jared to jump out of his seat. “Wait!”

Everyone followed Jared’s call to the doorway only to see Connor standing before them. Connor looked up. He could feel all eyes on him. All eyes except his father’s. Mr. Murphy was sitting on the edge of his seat, looking past his son, trying to understand the scene that had erupted. Feeling his father’s gaze pass over him, he started to sob. 

“Connor, honey!” Mrs. Murphy ran over to him and attempted to put her arms around her son. Her breath hitched as she pulled her arms back, realizing he couldn’t be pulled into the hug she so desperately needed to give. “It’s okay, baby, you’re with Mom now. It’s going to be alright.” 

“How is this possible?” Zoe slowly walked over to the two of them, still in shock. “Jared, how on Earth did you know he was here?” She looked back and forth between her brother and her friend, searching for some sort of logic or reason in a situation where neither would be found. 

For possibly the first time in his life, Jared was lost for words. “I can’t say how I know,” he finally answered, “only that I did. We all did.” He gestured to Alana and Evan, who stood beside him. 

Turning back to her brother, Zoe felt a single tear roll down her cheek. “You came back to us.”

Connor nodded, still crying. He still couldn’t look up at them, but he moved as close as he could to let them know he was really there.

“What the hell are you all talking about?” The idyllic scene shattered as Mr. Murphy, red in the face, towered over Jared, Alana, and Evan. 

“Mr. Murphy,” Alana said, “I can explain—“

“Explain what?” he snapped back. “This is ridiculous. Cynthia, you’re talking to the air! All of you are! Is this some kind of sick joke? Are you all insane?”

“Dad, he’s here!” Zoe shouted. Her voice rang through the room. “Damn it, how can you not believe that for one second he’s actually here? He came back to us and it’s like you don’t even want him around.”

Mrs. Murphy reached out to console her daughter, but was shrugged away. 

Zoe stood in quiet defiance. “Honestly, this is just like you. You never believed us. No, you never believed him! Anytime we said something was going on, you said it wasn’t real, that we were coddling him or overreacting. It’s like…” she held back for a moment. “It’s like you never really wanted to  _ see _ him.”

Mr. Murphy recoiled, like her words were a swift punch to the gut. He staggered back and lowered himself into his chair. This sort of outburst from Zoe wasn’t unusual, especially in the weeks after Connor’s death. He knew she had a complicated relationship with her brother, but she loved him wholly and, especially after Evan’s revelations, defended him fiercely. Cynthia, from the moment their son was born, was as protective as they come. Though she was prone to flights of fancy he didn't much care for, his wife’s maternal instinct was unwavering. But it was his wife’s flights of fancy and his daughter’s unwillingness to see the realities of the world that he couldn’t comprehend. 

Then again, what if Cynthia and Zoe were right? Larry Murphy loved his son. Losing Connor was probably the most painful thing he’d ever gone through. He did everything he thought a father should do; he put a roof over their heads and he taught his children right from wrong. He even tried to teach his son the right way to break in a glove, just like his father taught him. So how could he have missed this? Were there really signs? Was he truly blind to what his son was going through? He racked his brain, looking for signals, but he came up empty. It wasn’t until Connor was gone that he thought maybe, just maybe, Connor wasn’t losing control. He was just lost. Mr. Murphy looked up, swallowed hard, and nodded. 

“I didn’t,” he said. “Want to see him, I mean. I couldn’t bear to think that my son was hurting that much and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. You can put a cast on a broken arm, and you can medicate a cold, but how do you mend a broken mind? A broken heart?” 

“Patience,” said Connor. 

Mr. Murphy looked up, hearing his son’s ragged voice. 

“It takes a little patience, and a little time.” 

“You…” Mr. Murphy slowly walked towards his family. “You remembered.” He let out a small sob.

Connor nodded, and went to grab his father’s hand. He hesitated at first, but he continued anyway, his fingers closing solidly around Mr. Murphy’s. His eyes widened and he looked past his father, to Alana. 

Alana, who was crying once again, just smiled back. 

“But how?” Jared whispered to her.

“I’ve only ever seen it happen once,” she replied, “but if someone’s spirit is present enough they can become corporeal. Not for long, but long enough.” She smiled wide at Connor.

“Thank you,” Connor mouthed to her. He then pulled his father into a tight embrace. He was followed by Zoe and Mrs. Murphy. The four of them were tangled in a mess of tears, together again for for the first time. 


	7. Chapter 7

The impossible had happened: The Murphy family was reunited. Larry and Cynthia held their son tight as Zoe wept, finally seeing the brother she always knew. He wasn’t all there, his radiating spirit still translucent, but enough of him was there to touch, to feel, to remember. 

“Thank you for bringing him back to us,” Mrs. Murphy turned to Evan. “You brought our boy back,” she continued to sob. 

“A-actually, you should be thanking them,” Evan pointed to Jared and Alana, who were back on the loveseat, trying to give the family their space. 

Mr. Murphy shook his head vigorously. “No, Evan, I truly thank you.” He gestured to Alana and Jared. “Not to say that this miracle isn’t appreciated, but if it weren’t for that letter—“

“What do you mean?” Connor cut him off. 

“I…” Mr. Murphy paused, choking back tears. “I didn’t realize how much you were hurting. I don’t know if any of us did. Except Evan. Clearly you trusted him, and if we hadn’t seen your letter to him, brought him into our lives, we would truly have lost you forever. I wouldn’t have the chance I do now to see you one last time. That letter brought you back to us. It’s what made us—made me— finally see.” 

The reunion was wrought with tension once again. Connor and Evan looked at each other. Evan was shaking like a leaf, fear and panic overwhelming his usually soft features. Connor opened his mouth to speak, but Evan beat him to the punch. “Connor didn’t write that letter,” he mumbled. 

“I’m sorry?” Mr. Murphy shook his head in confusion. 

“Connor didn’t write the letter!” Evan blurted. “It was me, I wrote it. I tried telling you before, the first time, in the office but...” He couldn’t continue through his sobs, finally letting out everything he’d buried these long few months. 

“Evan, honey, what are you talking about?” Mrs. Murphy asked. 

“He wrote the letter, Mom.” said Connor. “He wrote that letter and I took it from him.”

Cynthia, Larry, and Zoe all looked to Evan in shock, waiting for an answer. All he could do was nod in agreement. 

“Evan and I didn’t start speaking at school,” he continued. “At one point had we the same therapist and we met in the lobby of his office. That letter was an assignment from him. You wouldn’t know that because I never did mine.”

Alana cradled Evan as fell back onto the couch in relief. Jared looked on in awe as Connor easily overwrote Evan’s lie with a new one. 

“We didn’t talk much, but I had mentioned to him at my last session that I wouldn’t be seeing him anymore. When he asked why, I told him my plan to...well, you know.” Connor gestured up and down his body. “I did stop seeing him, but that was a few years ago, the first time I tried.

“I saw him at school this year, and he tried to check up on me. I was high, I got mad and I pushed him. I tried to apologize to him later and signed his cast as a peace offering.” 

Jared glanced over, watching as Evan instinctually grabbed his left wrist. 

“I made a joke that it’d be cool if we could pretend to have friends,” Connor continued, “but then I saw the letter. I saw how he talked about Zoe, and I got really overprotective, so I took it. When you guys asked Evan about everything he must’ve remembered what I said. He embellished quite a bit about our relationship, but somehow he still knew me better than I even knew myself.” Connor locked eyes with Evan, who felt the truth in his words even through the lie.

“The thing is, I know Evan never would have meant for this to hurt you. He just wanted you to be happy, and for me to be remembered well. Hell, to be remembered at all. If I could pick someone to be my friend, it would be Evan. I’d even pick Jared and Alana, too.” He smiled at the three of them. “They took care of you guys when I hurt you the worst that I ever have, and that’s all I could ever ask for.”

The Murphys turned to look at Connor’s new friends. Jared was exposed, the only one left standing. He barely felt Alana’s hand as she grabbed his in solidarity. Connor’s journey with Evan was and his family was coming to a close, and with those questions answered, Jared knew they would want to know how Connor even got there in the first place. Alana could use her charm to make sense of her abilities, and she had at least had a working relationship with Connor at school. Jared knew there was no way to explain his presence. He was less of a fraud before Evan had come clean. As always, he had just been along for the ride, and it was only a matter of time before he was left behind once again. Without a word, he dropped Alana’s hand and gave a curt nod before storming out of the house. 

He sat for what felt like hours in silence, keys in the ignition with tears rolling down his face. The only thing that broke the silence was the near constant buzz of his phone. Assuming that Evan, Alana, and Zoe were attempting to reach him, he ignored it. 

The sun had gone down, taking any shred of warmth from the fall air, leaving a crisp chill in its wake. Eventually, Jared began to shiver, so he turned the key and started up the car’s heater. After a few minutes, however, his teeth were still chattering. He fumbled with the dials, and was shocked to hear a familiar voice come from the passenger's seat. “Sorry, it’s not gonna get much warmer than this if I’m here. I can leave if you want?” Jared turned to see Connor with a wry grin, clearly proud of that quip. 

“Get the hell out of here.” Jared’s tone begged for the opposite. “You should be with your family”

“Why do you think I came out here?”

Jared glanced at Connor through the corner of his eye. “So now we’re family? What about that yarn you just spun about Evan knowing you better than you knew yourself?”

“Look, Evan and I are pretty similar, but who was the one who forced me to confront that? Who was the guy who insisted I give him and my folks another chance?”

The car was silent for a moment, Jared still peering suspiciously at Connor. 

“I know you don’t think this is your story, Kleinman, but it is. Twelve hours ago I didn’t even want to be near you or anyone else in that stodgy old house. I wanted nothing to do with anything I’d I left behind. You convinced me to give it another shot. You stuck by me when it would have been so easy to write me off. A fucking ghost came to you in the middle of the night and you spent your whole day trying to help them. You even tried to find me after I stormed off. Wanna know how many other people have done that kind of shit for me?” Connor put up a single finger. “Just one, and you know why? She’s my mother. When I say you’re family, I mean it.”

Hands gripping the wheel, Jared and sunk into his seat. “I just did what any decent person would.” 

“You and I both know that’s not true.”

Jared looked up at Connor. “What I did really meant a lot to you, didn’t it?”

Connor squeezed Jared’s shoulder, their first real contact the whole day. Surprisingly, Jared felt a warmth wash over him, bringing with it a sense of ease he hadn’t felt in a long time. “Look,” Connor said after a moment, “if you’re not gonna come in for me, at least come in for Alana? She’s really worried, and I didn’t set you two up so you could go and flake out on her like this. She’s too good for that.”

The warmth Jared felt moments before rushed to his cheeks and he fought back a smile. “Damn it, she really is, isn’t she?” 

Connor gave Jared a soft punch in the shoulder. “She’s almost too good for you. Almost,” he joked. 

“Couldn’t tell you what she sees in me, but I’ll take it where I can get it.” Jared smirked. “Speaking of, you do know Evan and I are basically family, right? You sure you know what you’re getting into with me?” 

“Shut up, Jared.” Connor pulled Jared’s beanie over his eyes before bolting back into the Murphy house, his laugh eerily echoing behind him. .


	8. Chapter 8

Moonlight shone through an attic window as Jared attempted to get to sleep. He stared at the ceiling, his mind racing. He looked at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time that night. It read 1:16am. Three hours had passed and there was no sign of him drifting off anytime soon.

Frustrated, he threw back the covers. The cool October air seeped through the windows and the hair on his legs stood on end. It was a cruel reminder that he should have done laundry. He could’ve been bundled up in his favorite flannel sleep pants, but his poor planning had him freezing in an old pair of gym shorts. He paced back and forth in an attempt to tire himself out and felt something eerily familiar. Extending his arm, he slowly turned around, his hand passing through an unusually cold spot as he did.

“Hello,” he whispered. “Who’s there?”

Silence.

“Look, I know you’re there, whoever you are. I won’t bite, I promise.”

Again, silence. Jared took his phone off the dresser, pulling up Alana’s number. “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” he said, his thumb hovering over the call button just in case. “Just let me see you.”

“Wow,” said a familiar voice. “Your ghostside manner sure has improved since the last time I was here.” Out of the shadows, a lanky boy appeared.

“CONNOR!” Jared couldn’t help but grin. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Just passing through.” He pulled out a joint from his jacket pocket and twiddled it between his long fingers. “I figured while I’m back I’d see what everyone was up to.”

Jared sat on the bed and motioned for Connor to sit beside him. “It’s great to see you again. It’s been too long”

Connor nodded, sitting on the bed. Like he had the first time he visited, he flopped back and looked up, just able to make out the support beams above him in the darkness. “So,” he said after a moment, “I hear congratulations are in order? Zoe tells me you and Alana are still together.”

Jared looked down at his phone. His eyes widened. “One year today, actually.” He felt his cheeks get warm and was thankful Connor couldn’t see his face.

“Who knew I’d be such a great matchmaker?”

Jared shrugged and laid back, turning his head to look at Connor. “I still can’t believe it’s been that long. I thought she would have come to her senses by now.”

“Honestly, same.” Connor gave him a cheeky grin.

Jared tried to frown only to break out in laughter. “Damn,” he said, “I missed you.”

“Back at you.” Connor paused. “How’s Evan doing?”

Jared studied the ceiling, unsure. “Honestly, he’s been in a rough spot these days,” he said. “With Alana and me off at college, I know he’s been feeling kinda lonely. But we try to come back here often, and he’s working on himself. He’s got some support at his job. Therapy’s definitely helping.”

Connor nodded. “He hasn’t…?” He made a grim face.

Jared shook his head. “God, no! He’s not in that kind of place. But I’ve assured him I’d be there for him if he were. We all would.”

“Good. That’s good.”

They lay together quietly for a while. Jared felt that something was off, but he couldn’t place it.

“You know,” said Connor, sitting up. “I’m not just passing through. I had another reason for coming here tonight.”

Jared looked at him, concerned.

“I…” He paused. “Jared, I came to say goodbye.”

Tears welled up, his throat tightened. “Well, fuck.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I just…” Connor rubbed the back of his neck as a soft smile emerged from on his face. “I mean, it’s heaven. Not every day you’re invited to live there.”

“No, you’re right.” Jared sat up. He surreptitiously wiped his face on his arm, trying to hide his grief. The two of them sat in silence, punctuated only by the whistling wind and the occasional sniffle from Jared. Eventually he looked up, his eyes red, tracks of tears framing an insincere smile. “Shit,” he said. “I know I’m being a dick.” He tried to laugh it off but just started crying harder. “I want to be happy for you, Connor. No, I am happy for you. I just—”

“I get it.” Connor put his hand on Jared’s back. For the first time since last year, they touched and Jared felt a familiar warmth envelop him. He relaxed and leaned into his friend’s shoulder. “Can you promise me something?” said Connor.

“Yeah, just name it.”

“You’ve got your whole life in front of you. Just...promise me you’ll do everything in your power to make the most of it.”

Jared pulled away. “Wait, shouldn’t you be saying this to, I dunno, Zoe, maybe?”

“I did. Kind of. But she would do that whether I asked her to or not, that’s just the kind of person she is.”

“And you don’t think _I’d_ do that?” Jared crossed his arms.

“No, you could! You absolutely could. But…” He sighed. “Let me ask you something. Would you have asked Alana out at all if I hadn’t said anything?”

Jared mustered all the bravado he could. “Pfft, please! I mean, I would have. Probably. See, I just didn’t want to bother her. She’s a strong independent woman who—“

Connor covered Jared’s mouth. “Ok, I’m going to stop you before you look even dumber.”

Jared squinted.

“Look,” Connor continued, “this is what I mean. Believe it or not, Kleinman, you’re too much of a giver.”

“Trust me, I’m not,” Jared rolled his eyes.

Connor put up his hands in defeat. “Fine. You can talk a big game about being a big shot who doesn’t really give a shit, but I see you, Jared. You have a habit putting your life on the back burner for everyone else. You did it with Evan, you did it with me, and you’ll do it again.”

“That was different. You guys really needed it. It’d be like not helping a drowning puppy.”

“I’ve told you already, not everyone will do that shit for someone else. Not to the extent you have.” Connor put his head in his hands. “Look, I’m not trying to argue here. I just...you’re like a brother to me. I want you to look back on your life when you’re where I am right now and know that you did everything in your power to live it well and live it right. I wish I’d known what it feels like to be here, on the other side. I missed out on so many things. You don’t have to.”

Jared was silent for a moment. He thought back on his first few weeks at college and remembered that first night. The day before classes started happened to be August 27th, the day Connor had died. Jared really wanted that time to himself, Connor’s absence weighing on him. Instead, he hung out with Alana, who was in the throes of panic despite all the preparation she had done for this very day. It wasn’t a bad day, and Alana was by no means a selfish girlfriend. Still, the memory was tarnished, and Jared finally understood why. In a moment of overwhelming gratitude, he wrapped Connor in a tight bear hug.

Connor, surprised, gently hugged back. “You don’t have to do this, you know. I’m not upset, I promise.”

Jared shook his head. “This is for me.” As he pulled away, Jared looked at Connor for what felt like the first time. The ever-present sadness in his eyes had washed away and he realized just how young Connor really was. It always looked like Connor had carried the weight of the world on his shoulders from the moment he was born, but the Connor in front of him was clearly at peace. He knew that it was time for his friend to move on. Jared gave him one last smile. “You think we’ll ever see each other again?”

“I know we will.” Connor patted him on the back. “Take care of them for me, yeah?”

He nodded. After one last embrace, Connor drifted into the shadows once more. Jared laid back in his bed and bundled up under the covers, the warmth from Connor having faded with him. He unlocked his phone and saw Alana’s number was still pulled up. Without thinking, he hit the call button and waited for her answer.

“Jared, are you alright?” She was groggy, but alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s gone.”

For a few minutes they didn’t say anything. Just knowing she was on the other end when he needed a friend was enough. Maybe, he thought, there’s a reason to believe it’ll be okay. Just listening to her breathing, he could finally feel himself getting tired.

“Hey, Alana?”

“Yes, Jared?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For this. For letting me take a little bit.”

There was a beat. Jared could almost see the confusion on her face and smiled to himself. “Anytime, babe,” she finally said.

“We still on for lunch tomorrow?”

“We might be. If you let me get some sleep.” She giggled.

“Sounds like a plan. Night, babe.”

“Night.”

He sunk into the pillows, finally letting sleep take him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far, thank you so much! This is the first multi-chapter fic I have ever finished, so I'm super proud of it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it!!
> 
> Also, many apologies for how long it took to get this final chapter put up. In my defense, I did go see the show in NY in the time it took me to write this. I had to do research!! xD Seriously, though, I labored over this chapter to make sure it wrapped up, and I truly hope you enjoy it. Thanks again so much for reading <3


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